Grief and Understanding - Fall of 1999
Today i lost a friend.
her passing has made me realize how tenuous life is,
and how important that we each celebrate our own with every moment.
and how we need to let each other know our feelings, even if it is difficult.
When she left here to go back to michigan, we parted as friends will.
farewells, see-ya-laters, and promises of continued contact.
and the months went by (as months do - so fast sometimes),
and we shared a few calls, a few emails, and kept in touch.
But i never told her how MUCH i loved her.
i did tell her that i loved her, but not why, and to what extent.
she probably knew it, in her heart.
we never hid our feelings - but we also rarely verbalized them.
now she is gone. the chance lost. my one regret.
She taught me the meaning of "namaste": the best of me celebrates the best of you.
or - the higher-self within me recognizes and salutes the higher-self in you.
either way, it involves recognition, and celebration of the best within each of us.
that is one of the things she taught me.
I will miss her - the chance smiles that could dazzle a room.
her intense approach to self-improvement.
the way she encouraged those around her to be the best they could.
these things i will miss.
And so today i grieve for my friend.
she did not make it to 40.
she did not get to see her son grow into a man.
she did not get to find true life-long love.
she did not put it all together as she wanted.
But she did make strides forward.
she did love a few, however briefly.
she did teach, and learn, and always grew.
and if you had asked, while she would have glady stated
a desire for a longer corporeal existance,
she would have also told you that she'd LIVED alot,
and had no regrets.
And i understand something in my grief:
she wouldn't want anyone to let her go without them learning a lesson.
and i think my lesson is this:
celebrate life, be good to yourself, and tell the people you love that you love them.
And do not mourn her passing - she had many wonderful moments,
and created many positive feelings around her.
the world is better for her having spent time here.
i know i am.
rocky rawstern - fall '99