* Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
* As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
* Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
* Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.
* I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
* Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
* The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
* I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
* When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
* Where there's a will, I want to be in it!
* Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
* If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
* Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
* We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
* If you make it idiot proof, someone will just come along and make a better idiot.
* He who laughs last takes too long to get the joke.
* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
* Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
* Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
* Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
* We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
* Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
* Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
if anyone knows the origin of these, send it to me and I will give credit here