* Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

* As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

* Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

* Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.

* I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

* Montana -- At least our cows are sane!

* The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

* I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

* When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

* Where there's a will, I want to be in it!

* Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

* If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

* Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

* We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

* If you make it idiot proof, someone will just come along and make a better idiot.

* He who laughs last takes too long to get the joke.

* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

* Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

* Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

* Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

* We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

* Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

* Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?